New strategy

Last night, Lindsey & I went to see "March of the Penguins" at the Egyptian. It was great, but what struck me the most was the immense tenderness with which the daddy penguins nestled their eggs/babies within their rolls of fat.

Soon I'll have a baby.

Perhaps the rolls of fat will be useful.

A better graph

I have much more control over my graphing than my eating. For instance:

Vile, disgusting sins

Truffle cheese.

4 and a half year old gouda.

Boar ribs, woven together in tall, tall display of meaty splendor.

Bacon.

I wanted to get naked and rub their delightful oils all over my body but instead I ate them.

Weight this morning: surprisingly enough, 226.0.

Stupid fat me

OK, it's time to get serious. Here's a graph:



The graph shows how goddamn serious I am. Take that, fat.

I am weak

If I never had to work, imagine how thin I'd be!

Yesterday was another work crisis in what seems now to be an utterly predictable flow. I was up until 2am buried in byzantine makefile architecture. It was completely ridiculous. The worst part was this: I drank 3 cokes, ate 3 pieces of pizza and 3 breadsticks. I didn't even bother weighing myself this morning. I feel myself turning into the pimply fat computer geek I've always known I am.

For Christmas, maybe

Pata negra ham contains 25-30% of grease but is a very healthy ham. The composition of the grease is similar to that of olive oil and is dominated by mono-unsaturated fatty acids which have a positive influence on the body. Thanks to this healthy grease this ham melts in your mouth liberating the unique flavour of this ham. Iberian ham is served at room temperature in small slices cut in a specific way.

Jambon.

Though I think little Roberto Heras deserves it more.

A little better

227.8 this morning.

I'm making a pact with myself: I'm only allowed to drive to work once per week (that's one round-trip via car, so if I drive in, ride home, ride in, then drive home, that's my weekly quota). Even if I take the bus, I'll still be forced to at least get on my bike & ride at least a few miles. We'll see how that works.

Another weight-loss possibility is to limit my meals to the worst I can find at the Microsoft cafeteria. The food is so indescribably shitty overall that the nadir is literally unpalatable. The other day I got what was optimistically described as "sweet and sour chicken". I think they'd scrounged through the garbage for thrown-out chicken originally served in some other form, marinated it in ketchup, microwaved it and served it. I don't know why I thought it would be OK but it sure wasn't; I don't often throw away food (which is what got me where I am today) but one bite of that sludge was enough.

Wrong direction, cont'd

229.0 this morning. I rode in yesterday morning and everything. As penance, I'm riding home tonight, then riding in tomorrow morning AND riding with the One True "Fat" (but not fat at all) Cyclist tomorrow afternoon. Wish me luck. I'll at least be dehydrated enough to make my weight artificially low.

That worked

Part of losing weight is the gradual stripping away of illusions. Like, the illusions that I'm in shape, or don't eat that much, or that I exercise a lot. Oh, and the illusion that I weigh, for instance, 223.5 pounds.

On Friday my new scale, which I have previously alluded to, showed up on my doorstep. I avoided it Friday night and for most of Saturday but eventually I couldn't put it off any longer and removed it from its fancy packaging, set it up, and stepped on it.

It told me I weighed 232 pounds.

OK, it was at a different time of day (I always weight myself first thing in the morning) etc., so I didn't take it too seriously, though I suspected my old scale was optimistic. Just not that optimistic. This morning when I weighed in, it told me 228.2. I did a calibration test against my old scale, which said 223.5, so I at least know I didn't somehow gain almost 5 pounds over two days.

I'm going to use my numbers from the new scale, and I'm still gonna try to hit 208.5 by Thanksgiving, which means I'm actually trying to lose 24.5 pounds or so. Serves me right for being so goddamn fat.

The new scale also tells me lots of other numbers that fill me with despair and self-loathing, but I'm not going to share them here.